From: Me
Date: May 10, 2008 1:18 AM
Subject: there you go again...
To: C
deciding for me...I thought couples are suppose to make decisions together? Shouldn't I be the judge of whether I want to accompany you? Or was that your intuition telling you something I didn't even know about me?
You should know by now that I am like my nephew, I do quite well when meeting nosey strangers for the first time.
Still, now that we are just dating, it might not be a good idea. Oh right, I don't even have to wonder about it because I might make the event too stressful for someone else. If we did go, I would just be honest and say that we are dating.
Signing off, your co-pilot in the hunt for the great relationship,
Me
From: Me
Date: May 10, 2008 1:34 AM
Subject: correction
To: C
The last sentence should have read
"If we go, I will just be honest and say that we are dating."
:D
Saturday, May 10, 2008
confronting my past
I finally figured out why my romantic relationships don't last. I never learned how to negotiate for what I want from my partners.
At jobs and in my friendships, I am a natural leader and am rewarded for calling the shots.
In romantic relationships, my intuition and attraction for the other person make me change my ways to suit him. I end up giving so much that I lose my sense of self. My solution has always been breakups.
For the first time, I am trying to change my habits. I told C tonight that we need to scale back to just dating (not boyfriend-girlfriend), so I can learn these skills.
Although it was tense, I had to be honest. If C and I are going to make it, I have to enter into the relationship with sustainable behaviors. I don't want to end up burnt out or resentful.
C was equally honest in asking me whether dating means that I am going to date other men. I don't know yet. I am not sure what the future holds or whether C and I will survive this, but I do know that in order for me to be truly happy I must change for me.
At jobs and in my friendships, I am a natural leader and am rewarded for calling the shots.
In romantic relationships, my intuition and attraction for the other person make me change my ways to suit him. I end up giving so much that I lose my sense of self. My solution has always been breakups.
For the first time, I am trying to change my habits. I told C tonight that we need to scale back to just dating (not boyfriend-girlfriend), so I can learn these skills.
Although it was tense, I had to be honest. If C and I are going to make it, I have to enter into the relationship with sustainable behaviors. I don't want to end up burnt out or resentful.
C was equally honest in asking me whether dating means that I am going to date other men. I don't know yet. I am not sure what the future holds or whether C and I will survive this, but I do know that in order for me to be truly happy I must change for me.
Friday, May 9, 2008
support
Now that I am having doubts about C, I do what I always do when uncertain - turn to my friends.
Had lunch and drinks with several guy friends, and they all made me see that I have to resolve my own issues before proceeding with C. I don't ever have a set checklist for a partner because I am always changing. My only criterion is that the man has to be able to change with me.
Ironic. That's my reservation about C - can he change and grow with me?
A few things happened this week that made me feel that he is set in his ways, and I can only accommodate in order for the relationship to move on.
Still, it's nice to have the support from others. Plus, everyone is defending C, and that's a major plus. This is how I got over my last major breakup - by the time I told the story 50 times, it wasn't so bad. I have no shame in airing my dirty laundry b/c that's how I move on.
Had lunch and drinks with several guy friends, and they all made me see that I have to resolve my own issues before proceeding with C. I don't ever have a set checklist for a partner because I am always changing. My only criterion is that the man has to be able to change with me.
Ironic. That's my reservation about C - can he change and grow with me?
A few things happened this week that made me feel that he is set in his ways, and I can only accommodate in order for the relationship to move on.
Still, it's nice to have the support from others. Plus, everyone is defending C, and that's a major plus. This is how I got over my last major breakup - by the time I told the story 50 times, it wasn't so bad. I have no shame in airing my dirty laundry b/c that's how I move on.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
dissatisfaction
Now that I have removed the top reasons for why women seek men, do I need someone in my life?
I provide for myself financially and expect to live well on my own efforts.
I don't need the social confirmation. Many women feel social pressures to marry, but not this woman. In fact, I quite enjoy my single status.
Even companionship. I enjoy the company of many friends and can always count on my outgoing personality to find partners in crime. L and I were able to travel to a foreign country together b/c I followed her schedule and planned every last detail.
As I grow older, I suspect that work and community involvement will take up more energy. Even self improvement is very fulfilling.
These musings led to a feeling that being with C could be dissatisfying down the road.
Of course, there is love. I haven't fallen in love in so long that I have forgotten that being in love is quite wonderful. Still, I know that love does not a partnership make. Partnerships and marriages require compatibility.
Are C and I destined?
I provide for myself financially and expect to live well on my own efforts.
I don't need the social confirmation. Many women feel social pressures to marry, but not this woman. In fact, I quite enjoy my single status.
Even companionship. I enjoy the company of many friends and can always count on my outgoing personality to find partners in crime. L and I were able to travel to a foreign country together b/c I followed her schedule and planned every last detail.
As I grow older, I suspect that work and community involvement will take up more energy. Even self improvement is very fulfilling.
These musings led to a feeling that being with C could be dissatisfying down the road.
Of course, there is love. I haven't fallen in love in so long that I have forgotten that being in love is quite wonderful. Still, I know that love does not a partnership make. Partnerships and marriages require compatibility.
Are C and I destined?
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
amazing race
Back from Hong Kong/Beijing/Shanghai. My travel buddy and I concluded that we should try out for Amazing Race after our adventure.
The trip was not relaxing. My style of traveling is more arduous because I rarely go with tours. I usually try to figure out what to do or how to get around by following local customs. Or as I like to say, stay where the rich people live and eat and travel as the working poor.
Of course, Beijing's working poor is much worse off than the working poor in many other countries, so we definitely ate and got around with some uncertainty. Our bus tour to the Great Wall topped the list; we were with people who spit out the window and their flour sacks of stuff. Poor L, she had no idea what she was getting herself into.
Still, I am proud of how we stay under budget and made it back safely. I am stronger and wise, and I definitely appreciate my life more with all my comforts and options.
The trip was not relaxing. My style of traveling is more arduous because I rarely go with tours. I usually try to figure out what to do or how to get around by following local customs. Or as I like to say, stay where the rich people live and eat and travel as the working poor.
Of course, Beijing's working poor is much worse off than the working poor in many other countries, so we definitely ate and got around with some uncertainty. Our bus tour to the Great Wall topped the list; we were with people who spit out the window and their flour sacks of stuff. Poor L, she had no idea what she was getting herself into.
Still, I am proud of how we stay under budget and made it back safely. I am stronger and wise, and I definitely appreciate my life more with all my comforts and options.
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