One reason I love sports is that feeling of perfection once I reach proficiency.
To get to that point in a sport where I can just pick up and go is exhilarating. The hours of efforts (often in frustration) disappear, and my mind is focused on that sense of well being.
Life is like a sport, and at this moment, I feel that I am in that place of bliss. Perfection is a state of mind. It is the spirit that I bring to every situation and every relationship.
I don't have all the answers, but I trust that my intuition will guide me. I haven't figured it all out yet, but that's not the focus of my life any more.
I cannot control the people or the situations in my life, but life should just be about being in the moment. When I am on the slopes, I don't question the weather or the people around me. I just try to make my way down the mountain and make it my very own experience.
Letting go of expectations is still a daily struggle, but I embrace that aspect of myself fully. I understand that I am not suppose to know, and that is the best feeling in the world. The acceptance of not knowing.
My lack of expectations has allowed me to excel in some sports, so why not let go in my everyday life too and see what happens?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
shaped by fate
Take away my job and I still have my identity. However, I never knew I cared so much about my career until I don't have a job any more.
People often tell me that they work more as a means to support their lifestyle/living expenses. I used to think that too. Not any more.
I see work as how I contribute as a human being. I take so much pride in my work and relish in the social aspect of work. In every job I had, ever since I was a babysitter in 9th grade, I put myself into that role. I try to make it the best part of me because I truly believe in the value of work.
Perhaps it is fate. If my marriage had worked out, I probably would be focused on havnig babies and taking care of the family by now. Instead, my lack of responsibilities gives me renewed focus on my career.
There is no right or wrong answers, only what is meant to be. I welcome this new purpose in my life.
People often tell me that they work more as a means to support their lifestyle/living expenses. I used to think that too. Not any more.
I see work as how I contribute as a human being. I take so much pride in my work and relish in the social aspect of work. In every job I had, ever since I was a babysitter in 9th grade, I put myself into that role. I try to make it the best part of me because I truly believe in the value of work.
Perhaps it is fate. If my marriage had worked out, I probably would be focused on havnig babies and taking care of the family by now. Instead, my lack of responsibilities gives me renewed focus on my career.
There is no right or wrong answers, only what is meant to be. I welcome this new purpose in my life.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
looking forward to look back
One of the best things about unemployment is making more time for my friends who are at least 10 years older. These men and women are at such different places in their lives. Some of them have partners, others single.
Ever since I was a kid, I have had older friends. From the nurses who worked for my father to the adult daughter of one of my guardians when I was a teen, I just meet cool characters along the way.
The equality of the friendship is no less than the friends who are within five years of me. In fact, I feel I have gotten more out of life because of my older friends.
Similarly, I am close to some of my younger relatives because I feel that connection through time. I am meant to give back by giving the attention that I have been given.
Funny how we are all connected...
Ever since I was a kid, I have had older friends. From the nurses who worked for my father to the adult daughter of one of my guardians when I was a teen, I just meet cool characters along the way.
The equality of the friendship is no less than the friends who are within five years of me. In fact, I feel I have gotten more out of life because of my older friends.
Similarly, I am close to some of my younger relatives because I feel that connection through time. I am meant to give back by giving the attention that I have been given.
Funny how we are all connected...
Monday, January 12, 2009
commitment
Congrats to D for her recent engagement!
I am always happy when friends find someone and get married. It is bliss to find someone to share and create a new life. At the same time, given where I am in life, I am so grateful to be single.
Having been married, I understand the role of wife changes a woman. In almost every marriage, the woman gives so much more because it is her nature to do so.
I am just a bit too selfish to give that much, so I over-compensate during dating. Many of my dating experiences crash and burn because that intensity is not sustainable. Ironically, my relationships usually end because the men feel overwhelmed by the attention, or I burnt out by the giving.
Until I can find that balance in being myself always, a long-term relationship will be imaginary.
Still, no regrets. Just as my married friends who can grow together with their partners, I am growing through dating. I don't feel that my dating life is any less valid than a long-term relationship, but I do face more judgment, which I pay little attention.
I enjoy men who behave at their best, and there is very little drama, especially in dealing with family and friends. There may be a day when I will find that life partner, but for now, falling in love or lust suits me, however brief.
I've accepted the possibility of just being single forever, and the freedom feels just fine...
I am always happy when friends find someone and get married. It is bliss to find someone to share and create a new life. At the same time, given where I am in life, I am so grateful to be single.
Having been married, I understand the role of wife changes a woman. In almost every marriage, the woman gives so much more because it is her nature to do so.
I am just a bit too selfish to give that much, so I over-compensate during dating. Many of my dating experiences crash and burn because that intensity is not sustainable. Ironically, my relationships usually end because the men feel overwhelmed by the attention, or I burnt out by the giving.
Until I can find that balance in being myself always, a long-term relationship will be imaginary.
Still, no regrets. Just as my married friends who can grow together with their partners, I am growing through dating. I don't feel that my dating life is any less valid than a long-term relationship, but I do face more judgment, which I pay little attention.
I enjoy men who behave at their best, and there is very little drama, especially in dealing with family and friends. There may be a day when I will find that life partner, but for now, falling in love or lust suits me, however brief.
I've accepted the possibility of just being single forever, and the freedom feels just fine...
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