good advice

Last night, while having dinner w/friends sans C, I got great advice that answered my uncertainty. Older guy friends reminded me that having a comfortable relationship, no matter how unfamiliar, is a good thing. Good advice from friends was exactly what I need.

C has been so accepting of me. I was the who had the issue of not being able to accept him completely.

So everything is back to great on the relationship front.

Back to focusing on work. I have a lot to learn. It's been very challenging, but that's exactly what I want.

hear thyself

Got to love how life's messages come from within.

A secretary asked me for dating advice, and I said play it cool.

Ding! The bell goes off. I should take my own advice.

dark day

Yesterday, I got frustrated. To the point that I couldn't talk to C. Maybe the LA trip was too much too soon. I felt better this morning, so we said goodbye pleasantly.

I am learning to observe the anger (yes, I was mad). The stillness gives me an unpleasant idea - I can just end the relationship like so many times before. My dark side is not to be explained, but I am aware of the fact that I am not quite ready for a relationship.

So what's next? I think the weekend will be telling. I am going to ask C if we can spend the next few days apart. I need some time to myself.

to be a man

The past couple of days, I expressed to C my fear about being in such a serious relationship. Having been single for so long, I was afraid to lose my freedom.

Like how we discuss everything else, we half jokingly talked about how I could meet other people who could be better suited. Should I go on dates with other people? Should we spend less time together?

The frank discussions simply confirmed what we both knew all along: we are right for each other.

C has been single longer than me, so he is more ready for a relationship. Regardless of where we are in life, I do share his view that having a partner is important to me.

I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that it will all be better because C is in my life.

giving it up

After yet another successful social event, I decided that it is time to end the social functions.

Just like that, I know that the event-planning phase of my life is over. There is some satisfaction in the magic of it all. Creating the evites, picking the venue, selecting the guests, and showing it up to let it all happen gloriously.

Now, I have other ideas about how I will lead my life.

Career is a big one. I am finally at a place where I can grow at my own pace. I love what I am doing and want to give it my all.

My health is another goal. I am going to take up golf and swimming next. Those of us with a desk job do not move nearly as much as we should.

Then, there is my spirituality. I am slowly connecting more with my enlightened self and discovery my true self.

money

C and I survived our first couples trip. The trip was great. We met members of each other's family and friends, and had fun exploring a different city.

This morning, we emailed about who should pay for what, and it was a bit uncomfortable. C has not had a girlfriend since grad school, and I am quite used to men paying for everything. We came to a resolution, but it's hard to gauge the satisfaction of that outcome given that the discussion was entirely over email.

Still, I can't help but think about the influence of money over a relationship. I don't think C and I will break up over this topic, but it will take some adjustment as we do spend money differently.

I am also assessing my own lifestyle needs. How I spend and save money is changing, and that will influence my choices in career and relationships. Hum...