commitment

Congrats to D for her recent engagement!

I am always happy when friends find someone and get married. It is bliss to find someone to share and create a new life. At the same time, given where I am in life, I am so grateful to be single.

Having been married, I understand the role of wife changes a woman. In almost every marriage, the woman gives so much more because it is her nature to do so.

I am just a bit too selfish to give that much, so I over-compensate during dating. Many of my dating experiences crash and burn because that intensity is not sustainable. Ironically, my relationships usually end because the men feel overwhelmed by the attention, or I burnt out by the giving.

Until I can find that balance in being myself always, a long-term relationship will be imaginary.

Still, no regrets. Just as my married friends who can grow together with their partners, I am growing through dating. I don't feel that my dating life is any less valid than a long-term relationship, but I do face more judgment, which I pay little attention.

I enjoy men who behave at their best, and there is very little drama, especially in dealing with family and friends. There may be a day when I will find that life partner, but for now, falling in love or lust suits me, however brief.

I've accepted the possibility of just being single forever, and the freedom feels just fine...