confronting my past

I finally figured out why my romantic relationships don't last. I never learned how to negotiate for what I want from my partners.

At jobs and in my friendships, I am a natural leader and am rewarded for calling the shots.

In romantic relationships, my intuition and attraction for the other person make me change my ways to suit him. I end up giving so much that I lose my sense of self. My solution has always been breakups.

For the first time, I am trying to change my habits. I told C tonight that we need to scale back to just dating (not boyfriend-girlfriend), so I can learn these skills.

Although it was tense, I had to be honest. If C and I are going to make it, I have to enter into the relationship with sustainable behaviors. I don't want to end up burnt out or resentful.

C was equally honest in asking me whether dating means that I am going to date other men. I don't know yet. I am not sure what the future holds or whether C and I will survive this, but I do know that in order for me to be truly happy I must change for me.